We'll have to disagree about the root of Willow's animus toward Anya -- though I'd be willing to say both factors were in play.
My point about the death of Anya and Spike isn't that Xander didn't mourn for Anya or Buffy for Spike, but rather that the group as a whole was generally unaffected. Had Xander died, they would all have been bummed, and there would have been no cheery quipping. And that difference in status -- 'insider' vs. 'outsider' -- stands as a dark shadow on the scoobies as a whole. At least for me.
Tara did get better treatment. But I think her presence at the birthday party was partly because Buffy had just used her for help with the question of the effects of the spell and partly because there was a hope that she and Willow would reunite. It's significant, I think, that it was Tara that left Willow. Had it been the other way around, I think Tara would have been as out as Anya and Spike were.
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My point about the death of Anya and Spike isn't that Xander didn't mourn for Anya or Buffy for Spike, but rather that the group as a whole was generally unaffected. Had Xander died, they would all have been bummed, and there would have been no cheery quipping. And that difference in status -- 'insider' vs. 'outsider' -- stands as a dark shadow on the scoobies as a whole. At least for me.
Tara did get better treatment. But I think her presence at the birthday party was partly because Buffy had just used her for help with the question of the effects of the spell and partly because there was a hope that she and Willow would reunite. It's significant, I think, that it was Tara that left Willow. Had it been the other way around, I think Tara would have been as out as Anya and Spike were.